Back to Work

So I went back to work on Thursday and although I love where I work, it was miserable. I thought that with the third child it would be easier since I know what to expect and I've done it before. So not the case. It has felt brutal and even neglectful (I know that is silly) to leave Colton, Julianna and Ethan behind. But especially Colton. This summer has been so busy and wonderful. Maybe because I know that this is our last child, everything is especially poignant. Each day brings new marvels and growth, and I am so sad that I will miss out on the little moments in his day. Colt is now reaching out to touch faces and to be held. He is learning about spatial distances - understanding that if he puts his hand out he can actually come into contact with what he sees. Watching the realization on his face of "hey, that's real" is pretty cool. Friday when I got home he was especially fussy. However, when he heard my voice and saw me he immediately calmed down and smiled. My heart melted and then ached with guilt. I felt so special that he recognized me and was, in all essence, happy to see me, and then guilt ridden that I had left him at all. I just remind myself that the other two are well-adjusted and remarkable children who have been in daycare for all their lives and are fine. In fact, Ethan keeps asking me if it's time yet to go to his beloved Miss Vivian's house yet. It does help, a smidge :), to know that they are not only in a home being given basic care needs, but they are also being showered with love. But alas... it is much cooler to be in Colton's World everyday than just a little. Okay, off to cry now :)